My Husband Never Gave Up On Me

    I was always defiant in my smoking habit, pointing out that it made me different from the Utah norm and that it sometimes helped me find like-minded people.  I felt like I was destined to be addicted to cigarettes; my parents smoked in the home when I was younger, both of my grandfathers smoked in the home.  As a teen, I waited tables in smoking restaurants.  So by the time I became a serious smoker, I had a lifetime of reinforcement as to the "calming" effects and the leisure "necessity" of nicotine. 

  My husband quit smoking immediately after we started dating 12 years ago, and would smoke one here or there, but never regained the habit.  I tried a couple of times to quit but they never stuck more than a few days.  Then in 2002 my worst nightmare occurred.  My father was diagnosed with lung cancer.  It was particularly aggressive, and this vibrant, genius of a 52 years young man was dead in 41/2 months.  It was horrible to see.  It still is the most shattering moment of my life.

   The horrible compounded by the horrific; I couldn't quit smoking!  Even then, the nicotine had it's hold on me and I knew I would be even more miserable without it.  It took me 8 months to try to quit again.  That time, it lasted 6 months and I wanted a cigarette every day of that 6 months.  I would bum a hit here or there, finish a smoke a friend was discarding.  I didn't just slip, I cheated often.  No wonder I relapsed.

   In shame and fear, I tried to quit again in 2006.  That try lasted a month.  I was back to a pack a day of menthol's in no time.

  Finally, with the support of my husband, I decided to treat myself like the drug addict I really am in my treatment and recovery from a 16 year nicotine addiction.  I joined quit net, used the counselors, stopped hanging around smokers (luckily, most of my friends were quitting too), changed my lifestyle around smoking triggers and followed the patch directions until I was no longer addicted to nicotine physically.  This time the change happened!  I am sick when I smell smoke!  I don't crave a cig when I'm stressed or upset.  I don't get nostalgic when I see a smoker, I just get sad, because I know they usually have two options for their future outcome.  I've seen one and I am the other.

No one here gets out alive.  I've made the choice to not contribute to my dying of lung cancer anymore.

  Everyone is so proud of me!  I'm only 3 months smoke free, but I know this time it will translate into a lifetime!   I smell better, my sense of taste and smell have improved, my singing voice has recovered, I have a lot more money!   I love being able to wear perfume again!

  Most of all, I love the hope.  The hope that I have truly recovered and that I can breathe easier for the rest of my life.